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I Have These Moments



I have these moments of staring off into space. I wonder things, I ask questions, I face fears, I feel my deepest joys, I wonder how it will all work out, I ponder next steps, I consider my weaknesses, I embrace my strengths.

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I reflect on my life to this point. I smile, I frown, I feel tears, I feel laughter. I feel homesickness, I feel contentment, I feel my hurts, and I feel love.

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I connect deeply inward. I look for myself, my true self. Sometimes she’s fully present and sometimes she’s hiding. When she’s present she is in her power, in full healthy energy, living in love. When she’s hiding she’s wrapped in the past, rising shame over failures or how she’s hurt someone, fears of the unknown future, feeling just not quite enough.

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I am both. I have both. I embrace both. I recognize how acknowledging all the parts that make up me create wholeness. The mess and the brilliance go hand in hand just as the light and the dark. Contrast allows us to create change.

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There is something about seeing yourself full spectrum that is both freeing and terrifying. We are so complex yet so simple. I feel with such a range of emotions sometimes it feels as though I’ll be lifted off the ground by its intensity.

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Acknowledging our needs, our deepest soul desires, our longings, our cravings. When we stop denying the present and hidden areas of our being we connect not only to ourselves, but to the world as a whole.

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The thing is, we ALL have these things in us whether we choose to see them or not. I know it doesn’t feel good to connect with your hidden mess, but when you do you can bring yourself full circle into everything you are.

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You start bringing back all the fragmented pieces of yourself. The pieces you wish didn’t exist. The pieces we pretend don’t affect us. The pieces we don’t want to accept.

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When I say you are beautiful just as you are this is what I mean. You are beautiful in your mess and in your brilliance. Because you are beautifully, wonderfully human.

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Don’t avoid yourself. Celebrate your successes and embrace your failures. You will always have both. Don’t play it safe to try to avoid discomfort. It will find you anyway.

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For today, find satisfaction in the understanding that we are all made this way. Your experience, though unique to you, is someone else’s story too. They made it and so can you.

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